OPINION: Why TCR Australia is like a Monty Python sketch

TCR Australia is not pining for the fjords, it’s not resting and, no, it’s not just stunned.

To paraphrase the immortal words of the legendary comedian John Cleese in the Monty Python dead parrot sketch from 1969 (YouTube it), TCR Australia is "bleeding demised", "bereft of life", "ceased to be" and "gone to meet its maker".

Despite years of chest beating with claims it would be the new Big Thing in Australian motorsport, TCR has finally gone grovelling to Supercars for a hit from its life saving television defibrillator.

It's going to be too little and too late.

Remember Super Touring from the 1990s? The pitch was to come and see Audis racing Renaults racing Volvos racing BMWs versus . . . well, who cares.

Super Tourers were going to kill the Aussie V8 racers once and for all. The global four-cylinder revolution was coming.

But how did that work out, even after all sorts of massive cash injections and a driver roster including Peter Brock and Jim Richards?

Now TCR is on the same long and slippery slope to oblivion despite talking the big talk and walking a confident walk without realising the shadow on the ground behind it belongs to the grim reaper.

This year's TCR calendar has only three meetings in Australia – with one in New Zealand and another planned for Macau – and last year the fields dwindled to single-digit grids at some events.

I must admit that I have never actually attended a TCR event in person. Just like the rest of Australia.

At the Eastern Creek race last year, televised live because the TV station had obviously run out of I Dream of Jeannie episodes to re-run, a camera panned around and featured two (yes, two, that’s the number 2) people visible in the grandstand. The race started and a couple of laps later the camera again panned back to the grandstand. Both spectators were gone.

They may have gone to get something to eat. More likely is that they were suffering agoraphobia and fled in panic. (Google it for the punchline)

The fact is that TCR Australia has tried to promote itself as a top-shelf category and yet it presents itself like a hastily-cobbled-together club meet, which indeed may well be the root of the problem.

TCR cars, for those who don’t know, are 2-litre, front-wheel drive cars from manufacturers such as Hyundai, Audi, Honda, Peugeot, Alfa Romeo and others.

Manufacturers are involved but, you’d have to say, with something a lot less than all-in enthusiasm for their 'customer racing' efforts.

Still, TCR cars are beautiful pieces of engineering. If you ever get a chance go and have a look at one closely you will see a beautifully-crafted race car. Yes, they’re a little fragile because being robust usually means being a touch porky and no race car wants to be even be carrying an extra kilo into battle.

But this means that when it comes to biff, bang, barge and bump, they break.

Where even the smallest Supercars team would go all-in and fix even the biggest wreck in seemingly impossible time, the TCR boys often don’t have the parts or the personnel to make a track comeback.

So let’s talk about numbers. Single figure grids are plain embarrassing and if it weren’t for Garry Rogers Motorsport fielding its usual armada of entries it would be something like two men driving and a dog serving as the team manager.

One thing in favour of TCR Australia is that its category manager, Lisa Totani, is probably the most optimistic person in the sport. She’s not a glass-half-full person but rather she is a full-to-overflowing dream believer.

According to the delightfully enthusiastic Totani, the 2025 season will be the start of a “new chapter” for the series. I think I need a copy of that book.

TCR Australia’s march back into the hearts and minds of local motorsport enthusiasts will see the series on the undercard for three Supercar rounds, a stand-alone event at Winton, as well as being a part of the WTCR series at Macau, late in the year.

Think about that for a second and tell me that you aren’t WTF-ing.

"The 2025 calendar delivers a revitalised era for TCR Australia, putting the global touring car category in the spotlight of more Australian and international motor racing fans,” gushes Totani.

“We are delighted to join the Supercars Championship at three rounds in 2025 and welcome back the Kumho FIA TCR World Tour to the Shell V-Power Motorsport Park, which is a clear favourite amongst teams and drivers”.

I was about to say "Are you kidding me?" but, not wanting to sound impolite (which I am but don’t want to sound like) I’ll just go with, nah, are you kidding me?

A five-round championship? Not one round in a major city such as Sydney, Melbourne or Brisbane.

Two rounds that aren’t even in Australia. And not one round that will be available on free-to-air TV.

What a brilliant way to get your category back in the "spotlight".

For me, the spotlight looks more than likely the train that’s a comin' down that track.

Obviously equally bewildered by the facts and preferring a black-cloud-with-silver lining scenerio is the boss of the world TRC championship, Marcello Lotti.

“After sealing the deal to bring the Kumho FIA TCR World Tour back to Australia for the event at The Bend, we have looked into the possibility to further extend our friendly co-operation with TCR Australia,” he said recently.

“We are delighted to announce that this has led to the addition of a second joint event in our respective calendars.

“We are also pleased with the co-operation TCR Australia has established with the Supercars championship, as this will contribute to reinforce the popularity and visibility of TCR competition in the country,” he added, seemingly unaware that the category will be the piss-break,hot chip, cold beer spectator time filler while the big dogs have their ice baths.

One gets the impression that Lotti hates crowds and so has found a nice niche in life. But here’s the real thing.

The next Supercars “big thing” won’t come from TCR. It will be from either Super2 or TransAm. That’s the way life is.